The cars speeding past on the interstate melted into a fluid stream of color. Jess gazed unseeingly out the bus window, his thoughts still back in Stars Hollow. He shook his head sharply, desperately trying to clear the haze of confused emotions.

After all, this was what he had wanted all along—to get the hell out of Perky Smalltown, USA. To go back to the city. Back to his friends. Back to his mother.

He shut his eyes briefly as her image entered his mind. Although he hadn't spoken to her himself, he could tell from the expression on Luke's face that mommy dearest wasn't exactly thrilled by his impending return.

Jess sighed, and leaned back in the uncomfortable bus seat. He should be used to it by now; used to feeling unwanted. His father certainly hadn't wanted him, walking out on the family when Jess was six. His mother had simply been waiting for an opportunity to ship him off somewhere, so that she could sleep her way through Brooklyn in peace. Luke certainly hadn't asked Jess to become a part of his life, and he hadn't exactly looked heartbroken as he loaded him on the bus. Taylor most likely started organizing a parade the second he heard the news. Lorelai and Dean would probably build the biggest float, wittily titled "Jess is out of Rory's life, doo dah, doo dah."

Rory. Jess Mariano was not the kind of guy who dwelled on the past or regretted many things, but he wished things could have ended differently with Rory. He hadn't even bothered to say goodbye, not wanting to see a look of loathing and distrust in her eyes that he had come to expect from everyone else.

No matter how hard he tried, Jess couldn't block out the memories of the accident. They kept coming continuously, louder and faster within his head each time, the colors brighter, the pain more acute. He had finally stopped horsing around; watching the road as he took Rory in slow, square loops. The dog had darted out of some bushes and into the street, and he found himself slamming on the brakes before he could even register why he was doing it. He jerked the wheel sharply, realizing too late that he wouldn't be able to avoid impact.

The sound of twisting, crunching metal was sickening in his ears, but all that mattered to him was that Rory was okay. He could see the pain on her face even before she admitted that there was something wrong with her wrist, her features pale as she tried to hold back the tears. The ambulance and the tow truck arrived practically simultaneously, and he watched her speed away, the sirens flashing, as the car was chained to the truck; the echoes of his reassurances that everything would be okay sounding hollow in his ears.

Nothing would ever be okay again, not with her. He knew how her mother and Dean would react; knew he had violated the tenuous trust he and Rory shared. His heart told him to find a way to the hospital, just to be with her, to see with his own eyes that she would heal. His head knew that his presence there would only make the situation more volatile. Not wanting to face Lorelai didn't make him a coward—it simply meant he was aware that seeing the two of them in a screaming match would only hurt Rory more.

At any rate, it wasn't his place to be at her side, comforting her; not when he was the one who had broken her. It was like he was the anti-Midas—everything he touched turned to shit. Dean had built her a car; he had wrecked it. Just another analogy for the path of destruction that was his life.

He wished he could have seen Rory one last time before he left—seen her smile, made her laugh, argued literature with her. She made him care about things that he wasn't supposed to care about; made him do things that he wasn't supposed to want to do. He wasn't supposed to care about an innocent small town girl with an innocent small town boyfriend. He wasn't supposed to want to go running back to Stars Hollow, with their kooky residents, never-ending festivals, and severe lack of things to do.

But he did. Which was why, when the bus finally arrived in New York, he didn't hop the subway that would take him home. Instead, he used the "emergency money" Luke had pressed into his palm at the Stars Hollow bus stop, and bought a return ticket.