Title: Chances and Choices
Author:  Megan Reilly
Rating: PG
Summary: It's better to take a chance and have it turn out bad than spend your whole life wondering what might have been.
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino, the WB, etc.
Archiving statement: OK for Mystic's archive. Other archives, NO. Please do not archive this story without my permission.

 

"Why would he do this?" Luke wondered aloud, pacing the short length of the stockroom.

Lorelai had appropriated both the stepstool and the issue of Entertainment Weekly. "He probably thought it would be funny. Isn't that his primary motivation for all his pranks?"

"You think this is just a prank?" Luke asked.

Lorelai nodded, seemingly engrossed in reading an article about the salaries of the cast of Friends.

"What is so damn interesting?" Luke demanded, pulling the magazine out of her hands.

"Hey, all you had to do was ask nice," Lorelai pointed out. He tossed the magazine away. She looked at him. "I was trying to make this less awkward."

"Why would this be awkward?" Luke asked, but he sighed.

"Because of this morning," Lorelai said gingerly. "I don't want to talk about it any more than you do, but -"

"Who says I don't want to talk about it?" Luke asked.

"I'm sorry, what would you like to say about it?" Lorelai shot back. And Luke was silent. "As I was saying, I don't want to talk about it any more than you do, but since we're stuck here, maybe now would be a good time to address some things that need to be addressed."

"Why do I feel like I'm in for a lecture here?" Luke asked.

Lorelai closed her mouth. "Fine. Never mind. You don't want to talk about it, let's talk about something else."

There was complete silence between them.

"How 'bout those Yankees, huh?" Lorelai attempted.

"It's just pre-season," Luke grumbled. "Can't tell anything from pre-season. Hell, the Cubs won in pre-season. Was it really that bad?"

Lorelai shook her head, a smile touching her lips. "It was nice."

"Because if it was that bad, you can tell me," Luke told her, as though she hadn't spoken. "I'm open to criticism. And..."

"Luke," Lorelai said, to stop him. "It was fine. It was nice. It was a nice kiss."

"What kind of word is 'nice'?" Luke wanted to know.

"Nice is...nice," Lorelai said. "It's a perfectly good word. What word did you want?"

"You couldn't think of a better word than that?"

"I repeat, which one did you want?" Lorelai demanded. "Gimme that magazine back, it had plenty of words in it. I'll find one for you." He didn't move to pick it up from where he'd tossed it. Lorelai waited. "Think it's going to be a rainy spring?"

"Not much snow this winter. Probably means it'll be dry all year," Luke speculated.

"What I don't understand is, why," Lorelai said.

"I think it has something to do with the jet stream," Luke replied.

"No, I mean...why," Lorelai said, meeting his eyes.

He looked away quickly. "You know, today's the anniversary of my dad's death."

"I'm sorry," Lorelai said, sincere. "I didn't know."

"And I was thinking about it, this morning. Thinking about him. My Dad. How he never really lived his life after my mom died."

"Maybe that was enough," Lorelai suggested.

"No," Luke said. "He had the shop, he had me and Liz, he had the town, his reenactments, but that was it. And he seemed like he never fully had the capacity to enjoy even that after she was gone."

"Your mom died young?" Lorelai asked. She thought she remembered, but she wasn't sure. Luke nodded. "Maybe that was too much for him to get over. Maybe he couldn't stand to take another chance."

"That's what I was thinking this morning," Luke said.

"But that's not bad. There's nothing wrong with that. Hey, look at my parents, I'm not sure they've ever taken a chance on anything. And they do okay," Lorelai said.

"There's more to life than okay, though," Luke said. "I just was thinking about it, and Rachel, and how she left a while ago now and..."

"Luke, it's okay. Everyone goes through these periods in their lives when they feel like there might be something more out there."

"Do you?" Luke asked.

Lorelai thought about it, and then she nodded. "There's things I want, things I wonder about, things I'll never have."

"Don't you regret the things you'll never have?" Luke asked.

"How can I regret it if I've never had it?" Lorelai replied, working to keep her tone light. Of course she had regrets. Everyone did. She could have married Christopher, and who knows, by some small miracle that could have turned out to be a better life than the one she'd made for herself. But she'd made her decisions a long time ago.

"But what if you could have it?" Luke said.

Lorelai giggled. She couldn't help it. "This is the part of the movie where you pull out the magic mirror or offer me three wishes, right?"

Luke smiled ruefully and shook his head. "I came to the realization this morning that I don't want to be like my dad."

"You're not," Lorelai said. "You've got the diner, you've got..." She searched and came up with nothing. "There's Jess, and..." Failed again. "I'm sure your dad was a great guy, Luke."

"But he just gave up, and he was still young. Young enough. He could have tried again."

"This isn't the conversation by which you try to explain to me how you ended up on the next 'Survivor' is it?" Lorelai asked.

"No, this is the conversation by which I'm trying to explain why I kissed you this morning," Luke said, looking into her eyes, and Lorelai suddenly felt as though all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. "And why I'm thinking I want to do it again."

"Luke, we shouldn't," Lorelai said. "I mean, there's probably a limited supply of air in this storeroom, or some kind of fumes, or...claustrophobia. Getting to us. Making us do, and say..." He was touching her face now and it made it difficult to think. "Things that...Luke..."

It was too late. His mouth was on hers again, just as soft as it had been that morning. But bolder this time, not as tentative, not as quick. And it occurred to Lorelai just how long it had been since she'd been kissed, but it was more than that. He'd been right to suggest that nice just didn't cover it.

"I knew I should have gone to Al's Pancake World," Lorelai moaned when he released her.

"I'm sorry," Luke said, taking three giant steps back. The expression on his face just about broke her heart.

"Luke, I didn't mean..." Lorelai stopped. She didn't know what she was trying to say. "Don't listen to me, I don't know what I'm talking about."

"No, it's fine," Luke said. He'd turned away from her now, so she was looking up at his shoulders and the brim of his baseball cap from her perch on the low stool.

"Luke, don't be like this," Lorelai pleaded.

"Like what?" Luke snapped, turning, and she could see it was taking all his energy not to be wounded.

A part of her was angry with him. "How did you expect me to react?" Lorelai demanded. "Friends don't just go around kissing friends for no reason. You and I had an agreement."

"We did?" Luke blinked with surprise.

"An unspoken one, but yeah, it was an agreement. If, hypothetically, at some time or other, I started thinking I might have some kind of feelings for you, I didn't bother you with them. And you were supposed to reciprocate! It's not like that between us, Luke."

"Like what?" Now he looked smug. Like he'd pushed her into admitting something.

"We're friends. That's all," Lorelai said.

"You said you had feelings for me."

"Hypothetically. I said, hypothetically."

"So you don't have --"

"No," Lorelai replied quickly.

"Not even hy--"

"No," Lorelai said again, and looked at the storeroom door. "When do you think Jess will come back and let us out?"

"Knowing him? It could be never." Luke's old, familiar negativity returned. He sat down on the floor and picked up the Entertainment Weekly, flipping through it to where he'd left off.

"You don't have to sit all the way over there," Lorelai said. She scooted all the way over on the stepstool. "I think there's room here."

"'s okay," Luke said, not looking up from the magazine.

"It'd be a lot more comfortable," Lorelai pressed.

"Fine, if you're going to nag me about it," Luke said, getting up and sitting down on the stepstool next to her. It was a little of a tight fit, and his thigh pressed against hers.

"I don't nag," Lorelai insisted. He nodded, and now she could see to read the magazine from over his shoulder, if she tilted her head just right. Just right ended up being resting her head against his shoulder, but after a moment's initial surprise, Luke didn't seem to mind. It was a very nice shoulder, Lorelai thought. "You're blocking the light."

"You're not reading it anyway," Luke pointed out. "I haven't turned a page in half an hour."

"I was gonna complain about that next," Lorelai joked. She could hear his heart beating through his shirt. She could feel every breath he took. It sent wonderful, warm feelings through her, being close to someone this way. Not someone. Luke.

"Lorelai?"

"Hmm?"

"I want to kiss you again."

She knew she should lift her head and move away from him, but she didn't. "That might be okay," she said.

"Might?"

"Hypothetically?" She couldn't say the word with a straight face.

Luke cracked a smile. "So...?" There was a hint of question in his voice.

"Door's locked, I won't run away. Now might be a good time to go for it," Lorelai replied. She didn't know why she couldn't reply seriously.

"Don't sell yourself short," Luke said.

"Don't you," she replied.

"You're not exactly second choice," Luke told her.

"Luke?" Lorelai said, picking up her head and looking him in the eye. "I never, ever though I'd say this, but you talk too much." She wound her hand around the back of his neck and kissed him. His mouth was warm and wet against hers and he shuddered lightly as she stroked his neck with her fingers. When the kiss reluctantly ended, she sighed. "I could get used to that."

Luke just nodded. But he got up from the stepstool and walked to the door. "Maybe we should see about getting out of here." He bent down to examine the door hinges. "I think there's a screwdriver around here somewhere."

Now Lorelai knew how it felt, all those times she'd been the one to leave.

To be continued...


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