Title: Who's The Mayor
Author: Megan Reilly
Rating: G
Summary: Stars Hollow needs a new mayor - who will it be? No spoilers
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman Palladino, the WB, etc.

"You know Mayor Porter's retiring?" Lorelai said to Luke, leaning against the counter as she waited for him to fill the red ceramic mug in front of her with steaming hot coffee.

"Yeah. I'm not really surprised. He's been mayor for 32 years. Stars Hollow burns out everyone sooner or later. I've seen it happen a thousand times," Luke replied, pouring the coffee. Then he blinked and looked at Lorelai's innocent expression. "Wait, why are you telling me this?"

Lorelai smiled and he knew he was in trouble.

"No," Luke said.

"I didn't say anything!" Lorelai protested. But she was still smiling. She only did this to see what kind of effect she could have on him, Luke thought, scowling.

"Whatever you were gonna say, the answer is no," he told her. "And no more coffee. I'm cuttin' you off."

"Please, Luke, I promise I'll be good," Lorelai said, but he could tell she didn't care. Because she knew he wouldn't keep his word. How many other times before had he threatened to cut her off, and yet there she was again.

"What," Luke demanded.

"You'd make a really good mayor," Lorelai said, setting her cup down on its matching saucer, the grin spreading wider on her face.

"No," Luke informed her.

"Come on, Luke, you should do it. It'd be fun."

"No," he said again. She was still looking at him with hopeful eyes, practically bouncing in her seat with excitement. Although when he thought about it, it was probably just from the coffee. Luke sighed, knowing full well it was impossible to say no to Lorelai Gilmore and truly mean it. "Give me one good reason why I should run for mayor of Stars Hollow."

He expected another response from her along the lines it being fun, and they could sing election songs, or something like that. But she said the only possible words that would make him seriously consider her ridiculous proposition:

"Taylor's running."

"No," Luke said, but this time it was in disbelief.

Lorelai merely nodded. "Considering the guy practically runs the place now, can you imagine what'll happen once the power goes to his head? He'll be unstoppable."

"We have to do something," Luke said.

"That's more like it!" Lorelai gestured with her coffee cup. "More coffee please?"

As he poured her another cup, Luke knew he'd already been defeated.

"He what?" Rory said, stifling back a laugh as they stood on the doorstep of Emily Gilmore's home, waiting for someone to answer their knock.

"You should have seen the look on his face," Lorelai told her daughter.

"Well, I could have if you'd restrained yourself and waited for a time when I could have been there," Rory pointed out.

"Rory. It couldn't wait. If I'd waited, he would have heard it from somewhere else. Believe me, the shock value of finding out that Taylor is running for mayor did all the work for me." Lorelai looked at the still-closed door in front of them and pressed the doorbell button long and hard.

"He would have agreed anyway. He can't say no to you," Rory said as the door opened.

"Who can't say no to you?" Emily asked, joining their conversation already in progress, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Which it was, Lorelai thought -- for Emily.

"Nobody, Ma," Lorelai replied, hoping to head things off. She shot Rory a warning look, then asked, "How come you're answering your own door?"

"Other people answer their own doors," Emily said. "There's nothing so unusual about it."

"There is for you," Lorelai pointed out, with a look that indicated she thought Emily had lost her mind.

"I want to know who it is that can't say no to you, Lorelai," Emily said. "And what they might be saying no to."

"Oh, I ran into former President Clinton," Lorelai began, and instantly knew this was going to be a bad, bad choice of jokes, but she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. "But he said I was too old for him."

"That was in poor taste, Lorelai," Emily said as the three of them moved into the parlor.

"Not to mention completely out of date, but there you go." Lorelai made a beeline for the liquor they kept on the sideboard, only to find there was none. She waved her hands helplessly in the air.

"Rory, you'll tell me what this is all about," Emily invited.

"Mom wants Luke to run for Mayor of Stars Hollow," Rory replied. Lorelai shot her a threatening look and Rory stuck her tongue out in response. Emily noticed none of this.

"The diner man? In politics? Now that's an interesting thought, Lorelai. You'll have to tell me why you think this is a good idea," Emily said.

"I don't. Never mind. It means nothing. It was just a lark."

"It doesn't sound like a lark to me," Emily said, crossing her legs and settling in on the sofa.

"Me either," Rory agreed, shooting a mischievous grin in Lorelai's direction.

"Are you aware of all the ramifications of a political campaign? Not to mention all the things that have to be done...organized...you'll need posters. And buttons. Buttons are very important," Emily said.

"Clearly I had no idea I was dealing with an expert," Lorelai said, giving in to the fact that this conversation truly was taking place. She had a sudden, horrible vision of her mother engineering Luke's campaign and shuddered.

"I've done my part to serve the political system in this country," Emily said. "I'm sure it'll surprise you, Lorelai, but I used to be quite passionate about politics in my day. Your father and I both had a wonderful time volunteering for Richard Nixon's campaign."

"You and Grandpa worked for Nixon?" Rory asked incredulously.

"The errors of youth," Emily told her granddaughter conspiratorially. "Don't mention it to your grandfather, Rory. He still gets upset about it sometimes." She turned to Lorelai with an expectant look on her face.

"What?"

"I want to hear all about your plans."

"There aren't any plans. I just had the idea this morning. It's not a big deal."

Emily frowned. "Are you sure you know just what's involved?"

Here it comes, Lorelai thought. The condemnation, followed by the offer to assist. "It's Stars Hollow. We have different ways of doing things."

"Like what?" Emily asked.

"Is dinner almost ready? Boy, I'm starved," Lorelai said, looking desperately toward the dining room. No salvation lay in that direction. "I'm sure you're not really interested."

"On the contrary, Lorelai, I am very interested," Emily replied.

"You know Chilton's having a beautification campaign," Lorelai tossed out, trying desperately to deflect attention away from herself and toward her gloating daughter. "Rory's writing about it for the school paper."

"Rory, that's wonderful!" Emily said, and Lorelai relaxed. But she'd underestimated her mother's tenacity. "Lorelai, I want to hear more about this."

"There's not much to tell at this point..."

"Well, what's the next step?"

"Uh...the town meeting, I guess," Lorelai said.

"That sounds excellent. When is it?"

"Tomorrow night," Rory answered, even though Lorelai was making frenzied throat-slashing gestures to try to stop her.

Emily smiled, and Lorelai's heart sank.

"I still say you're going to pay for that, for a long, long time," Lorelai threatened Rory over breakfast the next morning.

Rory just grinned back. "It was worth it."

"What was?" Luke appeared near their table, coffee pot in hand.

Lorelai just rolled her eyes. "Let's just say, don't be too surprised to see my mother at the town meeting tonight."

"Your mother's coming to the town meeting?" Luke asked. "Why would she do that?"

"She's interested in your political career," Rory replied.

"Don't listen to her. She's just trying to torment me," Lorelai pointed out.

"Seems to be working," Luke observed.

"Oh, it is. But I'll have my revenge," Lorelai told him.

"Have you given any thought to your platform?" Rory piped up.

"My platform?" Luke looked blank.

"The issues you're running on. The things you're going to do to improve the town. The reasons we should vote for you," Rory explained.

"The anti-Taylor platform," Luke informed her.

"There's got to more to it than that," Rory said. Luke just looked at her doubtfully. "I mean, Taylor can be a little annoying --"

"A little? He's a tyrant," Luke said.

"But people know he's got the town's best interest at heart. And he's got experience on his side, being on the City Council and practically running the town meetings and everything," Rory pointed out.

"She's good," Luke said to Lorelai.

"My little poli-sci major," Lorelai said teasingly, touching Rory on the shoulder.

"I'm just trying to help," Rory bristled.

Luke was nodding. "We'll talk later," he said to Rory. Then he glanced at Lorelai. "Don't you have anything to add?"

"Why would I have anything to add?" Lorelai asked.

"As my campaign manager, aren't you supposed to have something to add?" Luke shot back.

"I don't know, I left my copy of 'Campaign Managing for Dummies' at the Inn," Lorelai said.

"I'm guessing it's too late for me to convince *you* to run for Mayor instead of me," Luke said.

"Mom as Mayor?" Rory snorted, overly amused by the thought.

"I don't have time to be mayor," Lorelai protested crankily.

"And I do," Luke retorted.

"I don't want to be mayor," Lorelai rephrased her answer. And Luke was silent. "A-ha!" she cried. He just looked at her. "Got you."

Luke and Rory shared a look that seemed to be in agreement that she was completely insane, and Luke moved away to pour coffee for the other diner customers.

"This was such a bad idea," Lorelai moaned.

"You know you love it," Rory pointed out. Then she started to get up from her seat.

"Where are you going? It's not a school day," Lorelai protested.

"I have to interview the guy who cuts the grass at Chilton. It's part of the article on the beautification project. And then I have to help Paris build a suspension bridge out of toothpicks."

"You've got to be kidding," Lorelai said.

"Wish I was," Rory replied, taking a last hasty bite of her toast and heading for the door.

"Hey! Get back here! You have to help me!" Lorelai cried, but Rory just waved and was gone. Lorelai whimpered and finished off her coffee.

Luke came over and sat down at Lorelai's table when the diner cleared out, indicating the breakfast rush had ended. He had a small pad of paper in his hand and one of his stubby order-taking pencils. "What's that for?" Lorelai asked.

"We need to make plans, don't we?" Luke asked.

"I guess," Lorelai said. "You know, Luke, I've never done this before..."

"You're not backing out on me now," he informed her. "We're in this together."

Lorelai smiled and nodded, wondering how such simple words could make her feel better about all this.

"So what do we have to do?" he asked.

"Follow Rory's advice," Lorelai said. "We have to have something to say at the town meeting tonight."

"Platform. Okay." Luke wrote the word "platform" down on his paper and underlined it. He underlined it again, then looked to Lorelai for help.

"Don't look at me," she said.

"My platform can't really be taking everything Taylor says and reversing it...can it?" Luke asked.

"That'd be too easy," Lorelai pointed out.

"And god forbid anything is ever easy," Luke sighed. He picked up the pencil again, poised to write, then tossed it down on the table. It bounced away. "This is stupid."

"No it's not," Lorelai said. "What we need is a spy."

"A spy?" Luke asked doubtfully.

"Someone on the inside of Taylor's campaign." Lorelai was warming up now. "Someone who can tell us what he's planning so we can take countermeasures."

"Countermeasures?" Luke pointed out.

"Maybe I got a little carried away," Lorelai said. "But it's still a good plan."

"Except we both know Taylor's not expecting anyone to actually run against him. He's expecting to step up there and be unchallenged and basically pronounce himself mayor tonight. Taking away all the citizens' rights to make a choice. And then, probably, the next thing he'll do is start the proceedings to rename the town Taylorville."

"That was quite a statement," Lorelai proclaimed when Luke had finished.

"It kind of was, wasn't it?" Luke halfway laughed. They smiled at each other and thought again how nice this was.

"Maybe we're going about this all wrong," Lorelai said. "The question is, what would you do if this were Lukeville?"

"Lukeville? You've definitely had too much coffee," he said, reaching for her cup, but it was empty anyway. She was already halfway across the room on her hands and knees looking for where the pencil had landed. "I've got another one," he said, pulling a second, just as stubby pencil, out of the pocket of his apron.

Lorelai looked at him from over her shoulder. Then she started to get up and banged her head against the underside of the table she'd crawled under looking for the first pencil. Luke winced at the sound, but Lorelai seemed unphased. "Why didn't you just say so?" she demanded, snatching it from his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, reaching out to touch her head where she'd banged it, but then he thought the better of it. She looked up and caught him with his hand half-extended. It seemed to take her a second before she even realized what he was referring to.

"Thick skull. I'm fine," Lorelai told him. Then she wrote "Lukeville" across his paper and pushed it back at him, waiting for a response. He stared at it, then looked at her. She raised her eyebrows and looked emphatically at the paper.

"I'd get that stupid bridge fixed once and for all. How many fundraisers does it take? That clothing drive sale we had was more than a year ago. It's falling down, sure, but it's not that bad. A couple of guys with hammers could have gotten the job done ages ago."

"Okay. Bridge. That's a good start." Lorelai wrote it on the paper. "What else?"

"It's too late to take out the traffic light, huh?"

"Afraid so," Lorelai nodded.

Luke took a deep breath and said nothing. Lorelai waited. And waited. "That's
it? Just the bridge?" she asked, finally.

"I really want to have less damn festivals, but I know no one would go for it."

Lorelai shrugged. "We're brainstorming. Everything gets written down." She added
"Less damn festivals" to the Lukeville wishlist.

"Our own minor league team?"

"Now you're dreaming," she told him, and they both smiled.

"I bet that troubadour guy might like health insurance," Luke said.

"You don't even like the troubadour guy," Lorelai pointed out. "You said he annoys you."

"So? I like health insurance," Luke said.

"You said he was the bane of your existence," Lorelai added.

"Doesn't mean I want the guy to get sick from standing out there playing that stupid mouth harp when it's twenty degrees out."

"You have such a big heart," Lorelai said, licking the tip of the pencil and then making a face because it was yucky and tasted like lead. "I don't know what to write down."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what are you proposing? Making him a city employee? Are we sure he'd even go for that? He seems kinda free spirited. I can't really imagine a government employee being able to capture the general feeling of the town and put it into song. Wouldn't a government employee be too busy pushing papers around and buying two thousand dollar toilet seats?"

"You may have a point," Luke said. "Except it'd be a five thousand dollar toilet seat, and that's why I don't belong in government."

"But then what? No health insurance for poor troubadour guy? Listen to his hacking cough at all hours of the night in the dead of winter? Feel guilty when he cuts himself shaving and it gets infected and turns into flesh eating disease, when it could have all been so easily prevented?" Lorelai asked.

Luke looked at her like she was crazy.

"Maybe we're not seeing this from his point of view. Maybe we should ask him!" Lorelai jumped up, ready to go track him down.

"Lorelai," Luke said.

"You're right." She sat down. "For all we know, he already has health insurance. Maybe he's got a wife, or he's an eligible covered dependent. Maybe he's got COBRA. Maybe he's independently wealthy." Lorelai reached for her cell phone.

"What are you doing now?" Luke asked. Sometimes it was all he could do to sit back and watch the show.

"Calling Rory."

"Because she would know whether the troubadour is independently wealthy?"

"No, because she said the other day that Paris wants to profile more interesting people and offbeat careers in the school paper, and the troubadour would be perfect," Lorelai replied.

"Outside." Luke glared at her cell phone.

"Write down 'anti-cellphone,'" Lorelai called as she headed for the door of the diner, listening to the phone ring on the other end of the line. Rory didn't answer, and Lorelai hung up rather than leaving a voice mail message. Somehow the brilliance of her ideas never shone through when conveyed by voicemail. She pushed the door open and went back inside. "Did you write down 'anti-cellphone'?"

"I did." Luke held up the paper so she could see where he'd written it.

"What else?" Lorelai asked.

"Isn't this enough?" Luke glanced down at list.

"That's what I like about you, Luke Danes," Lorelai declared. "You're easy to please." She began gathering up her purse and various things that had escaped from it during the morning.

"Because I do what you want," Luke pointed out.

A hint of a frown crossed Lorelai's face. "Is that really what you think? I get all pushy and give you orders and you just obey? Is that how you see our relationship? Like MASH?"

"MASH?" Luke repeated, completely lost. "I can honestly say I've never viewed our...relationship..." he practically tripped over the word, "...as anything like a television show about military doctors in the Korean War."

"Well, good," Lorelai said. "Can I have some coffee, please?"

"Where are you going?"

"Work," she replied.

"It's ten-thirty. Either you're going to be really early or really late," Luke pointed out.

"I hope they don't fire me for being late. Good thing I'm the boss," she said. Still waiting for coffee to appear in a nice cardboard cup. Luke looked at her, wondering what she was waiting for. "Coffee?" she reminded him.

"Of course." He stepped behind the counter and a moment later, handed her a to-go cup. "I'll see you tonight," he said.

"Yeah. Sure will," Lorelai agreed. By this point they were both wondering just what they'd gotten themselves into

To be continued...

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